I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
