U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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