we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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