i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
