I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
