I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
