Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He has the fingertips of a God
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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