I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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