i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My breasts were aching with rage.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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