You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
