This girl is more easily done than said...
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
