is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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