i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
