I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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