Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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