for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
