The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
