If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
