the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
