brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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