went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
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