My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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