Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
