is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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