I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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