May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
