Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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