I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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