We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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