This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
