She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
How's work?
Spinning.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
