My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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