I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
