There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
