brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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