I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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