Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
