elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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