You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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