I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
