i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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