Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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