I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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