My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
