He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
