I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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