Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
