you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
