I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
