Umm I'm too high to move.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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