I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
