I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
