ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
