my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
