At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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