Screwed.edu
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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