Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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