So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
