if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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