she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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