What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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