so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
