what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
