We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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