Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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