Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
