so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
