4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
