I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
