next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
