I wish I could punch you in the face.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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