your thong is hanging out like whoa
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
