From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize