Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
