Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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