just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
