I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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