nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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