They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
