make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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