I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize