you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
